Day 11: What victory in my spiritual business should I celebrate that I accomplished in 2018? Emperor Reversed
I stood in my power and I stood in my command and authority! When I first got my radio interview at Monster Radio Rx.93.1 in 2016–it was serendipity. DJ Raffy told me that they had another Life Coach booked but when that Life Coach didn’t make it, I was at the top result when they searched me on Facebook. At that time, December 2016, I was only a year into doing readings and coaching professionally. I was still hiding behind a screen at that time. None of my clients heard my voice. I’ve only done live chat and PDF and email readings. It was my way of fulfilling my life purpose but not triggering myself, because I believed my anxiety and my insecurities were much bigger than me at that time.
I remember my body shutting down. Normally, when others receive the opportunity to speak publicly, they’ll squeal in excitement. I was shutting down in fear. I was so scared that I’d be a disappointment to them, that the DJs would look me over and say, “Boy, did we make a mistake… Maybe we should send her home. This is a kid not a life coach.” (Actual thoughts I say to myself)
With sheer willpower (a lot lot lot of pep talk and praying) I was able to psyche myself up enough to avoid a melt down and bolting out the door of the studio once we hit “ON AIR”. I remember we had a buffet in the afternoon of the day of the event (the event was at 10pm) and I could barely balance my plate or bring the food up my mouth because I was shaking from limb to limb. When we had photo-taking, my whole mouth trembled and I couldn’t smile. I felt doom and fear.
I never thought I’d be able to put myself through that again. It was quiet in 2017. The quiet of not taking risks, of keeping yourself in a box even if it meant suffocating. It felt like squeezing on to shoes you wore when you were 11 even though you’re 22 and twice the size. I was already overgrown but I insisted I squeeze myself in the same space, not allowing myself to grow.
Since it’s been almost 2 years, I’ve also packed on quite the criticism. Readings going awry, doubting my own abilities and feeling like a fraud. But can I really stop myself from growing just because of natural occurrences? Or maybe I can just grow.
Enough was enough. In 2018, I applied to be a guest for International Angels Network’s radio show. I was approved and later on, invited to become a co-author in their anthology, Warrior Women with Angel Wings 5: Illuminate Your Joy, and then I kept applying and pitching to more and more! I repeatedly showed myself I can do it, and even though my voice shook, contrary to what my mind says, nobody has ever told me I was stupid and incompetent for stuttering, for taking 5 seconds to think about a reply.
I stood in my power and put myself out there into the world despite the anxiety and fear. Connected to this, I took calculated risks such as hiring a spiritual business mentor and made important decisions and investments to have what I enjoy now.
Day 12: What one goal did I not finish in 2018 that needs to be revisited in 2019? Transformation Reversed
I had an identity crisis personally and professionally that year, 2018. On the business side, because I was doing the psychic hotlines due to the tumbleweed-silence that was my spiritual biz, I became a “be everything and do everything for everyone”. I never clarified who I served and I kept trying to widen my price range to fit every single person who knocked on my virtual door. This got exacerbated working on the psychic hotlines. Also, I enrolled to so many metaphysical courses with modalities that I don’t actually need because I already had what I needed–I just needed consistency to improve in them.
I thought to be “better” I had to be MORE in order to be worthy of people hiring me. Thankfully that ended and I had a personal epiphany and a professional epiphany thanks to hiring mentors who helped me get the missing pieces I couldn’t have seen on my own at that time.
I’ve changed. You’re seeing this site and you get that I work with empathic professional wxmen who need psychic assistance in making informed decisions in actualizing their Life Purpose–a mouthful but, you see, I actually know that now. Before… I would have said I served everyone and did 12 modalities. Combining this card and Emperor, I have become stronger as an individual. I have a stronger sense of identity and because of this, I am able to stand in command.
But the work isn’t done. Transformation is the Death card in traditional Tarot (The Good Tarot is a modern Tarot deck that is heavily influenced by Oracle). It means that there are still some things I haven’t said goodbye to (yep, fear controlling my getting certain opportunities). I am still continuing my process of transforming out of the cocoon and becoming the butterfly.
Agitated to actualize your life purpose and finally divorce that soul-less day job? Book a spiritual reading or mentoring with me, Therese Heart for reassurance, clarity, and breakthroughs.
Doing the 31-day Tarot or your Divination tool of choice challenge by THE Tarot Biz Christina Quick. It is an opportunity for healers, coaches, and intuitives who use divination in their biz to learn from the lessons of 2018 in order to move forward in 2019, knowing better and doing better!