“I am not my work. I am all these beautiful books I read, movies I watch, games I play, people I meet, advocacies I fight for, experiences I’ve grown through…”
I’ve been stuck again. Nothing felt right so I stopped posting.
Ever since starting this entrepreneur journey in 2015, I’ve gone through many evolutions and rebirths. I felt SCARED of going through feeling like I’m finally getting it, and then the world would shuffle beneath my feet. Again. For the umpteenth time.
Something was missing. I was missing joy. I was missing all the little things that I loved and enjoyed that wasn’t work related or had to point towards some call to action and monetize.
Whenever I procrastinated, I found myself playing video games, writing stories, reading webcomics, reading for calm and leisure, and belly laughing to funny YouTube videos. These were some of the things I did liberally before becoming an entrepreneur. Before my life underwent a 360 when I decided to make a living doing my passion, guiding others through their darkness and finding hope, solutions, and direction as a Spiritual Guide, I remember creating. Not because I ought to. Not because I had to. But because I loved to and my heart would bubble with stories and visions to make art out of.
Somehow along the way becoming an online entrepreneur, I tricked myself into believing that pleasure was useless if it didn’t bring a sale, didn’t bring exposure or business to me.
My relationship with joy, pleasure, work, and relationships became twisted because of having to monetize everything. Having to make every thing I do, even an inhale, profitable.
I realized that my procrastination… was actually showing me how joy is missing from my life. I’m starved of my creative process. Instead of feeling liberated by what I do, I felt oppressed. That’s why I kept procrastinating, my body, my brain and instinct is pointing me to what I need and what I long for — not because I’m lazy.
I’m undergoing another incarnationin my business and in my life again. I’m not going to treat my hobbies and interests, passions, advocacies, and education as a separate realm from the spiritual life coaching work that I do. I am integrating. I am going for a holistic model that allows me to involve my multi-passionate being.
It’s funny how a shower helped me realize all that. It came naturally like the dripping dewdrops off my skin. When you are open and receptive, answers come through.
I’m getting closer to how I want to feel and the life I’m building. I’m no longer going to treat all my interests as separate from my spiritual work. You’ll know me outside from the work that I do because I am not my work. I am all these beautiful books I read, movies I watch, games I play, people I meet, advocacies I fight for, experiences I’ve grown through, etc.
You’ll be seeing me as the multi-passionate woman that I am. I love to create because I love. I miss this. I am remembering this.
Thank you for your patience with me and all my evolutions. From Angel Inspirations to Guided by Wings to Intuitive Therese to my next and following…