Do you know how you run? How I ran was something that 2018 taught me very well. Running looked like delayed responses. It looked like stroking my brow until every hair shed off. It looked like scrolling social media until my eyes became watery and itchy. It looked like a smiling selfie with dying eyes. It sounded like exaggerated laughter and twice the emojis. It sounded like the siren call and the need to relieve myself every minute.
I’ve been running from an opportunity to broadcast my message and what I do to a broader audience. It goes the usual way: I ignore the message, I do something extra stimulating (like playing a video game) to drown out the noise–repeatedly, dread about it, repeat the stimulating process until I’m so sick of the unease in my stomach and diarrhea (it manifests this way, too) and I finally catch up with myself, practice some R.E.B.T. to slow myself down, stretch, and ask for Higher guidance such as through the cards.
Before delving into the usage of cards, I need to tell you something important that I’ve learned from doing this professionally for years now:
Knowing about the future (alone) won’t ease the anxiety. In my case, the anxiety comes from holding on too tightly to a story, consciously and unconsciously: The story of me disappointing those in authority as a child, the story of me being laughed at when I was serious about something, the story of verbal and psychological harm for speaking my truth, and etc.
The more empowering way to utilize the cards is to ask about what you are not understanding/what you need to understand or in other words, the higher perspective, inner strengths to call upon, and what is something empowering you can do that can help your highest good in the long run. This is so as to build grit and resilience which will help you build emotional and mental energy to be able to catch yourself when you run and have the energy to bring yourself back to center.
Recognizing that I was able to delay responding to this person for nearly a month now, I cleansed my space, myself, and set the intention that I am open to receiving the truth no matter my biases and resistances. The key is to recognize what hinders instead of suppressing it or else it will keep nagging you!
I called in my Guides, the four Watchtower Archangels Raphael, Gabriel, Michael, and Uriel in that order, and proceeded to shuffle my cards with the question, “What do I need to understand?”
I pulled Page of Water (who has been showing up consistently for me since the 31-day Spiritual Business Divination Challenge) and it all finally *clicked*.
I avoided saying yes to the opportunity because I put so much weight on myself to be an expert, to have absolute mastery of the topic before being worthy of sharing it otherwise I am a sham. Basically, rigid self-expectation and perfectionism. I was telling myself unconsciously through my running that I couldn’t possibly worthy of that!
The shift Page of Water asks of me is to realize that my strength is in being a student — not a master! That this doesn’t have to be a display of mastery but a conversation where interviewer and interviewee can learn and gain perspective together. Also, that everyone essentially are students of life. I have to stop seeing others as masters that I have to aspire to in order to share with my community.
It’s a reminder that perfection is not needed. Just my openness to be here and learn.
Now that I know, I have the choice whether to run again or to choose a healthier action. I wrote back. I said yes.
Are you deeply bothered by a situation and ready to know a healthier and more empowering perspective from the Angels? Contact Therese Heart for an angel reading or spiritual mentorship session.